I had a breakdown earlier. I just felt really down and before I knew it I was crying on Matt's shoulder. He's so wonderful... Instead of making fun of my silly issues he was very supportive and encouraging. I don't know whats wrong with me... let me try to explain.
My normal day... Darcy sleeps very late. Sometimes she wakes up around 7 or 8 for a bottle but then goes back to sleep until 10 or 11. Jessica sets her own alarm every morning. She gets up, takes a shower and dresses herself. She kisses me goodbye and waits in the kitchen for Renee to pick her up. Isn't that horrible... I don't even get up in the mornings with Jessica... man I feel like crap! anyways... I sleep as long as Darcy lets me. When she wakes up she takes a bottle. Around this time its 11 so the news is on NBC and at 12 the news comes on Fox. Then at 1 I watch Days of Our Lives. (( in between the news at noon and days Darcy gets cereal)) After days I watch celebrity justice and then ripley's beleive it or not. by the time that's over with its time to get Jessica and then Matt's home by 4pm (except on Monday's cause of school). so you see... I do the same thing everyday... by choice of course b/c I could call someone and hang out... most of my friends around here don't work. I did work out for a month but quit b/c i didn't want to wake up that early (class was at 9am). My friend lisa ask me all the time to hang out but I don't wake up early enough to do anything... yeah I could wake up earlier but i don't have a desire too. Sad I know. I'm tired of the same ole same ole. I only leave the house to go to the store or to pick up Jessica from school. I have CR on Thursday nights and I love going to that. But I'm unhappy. And I'm not sure why. I've always worked and complained about not having time to clean my house and spend time with my family. But now that I have time I don't wanna clean up. My house is a wreck! Clothes are pilled up! I'm in a RUT. I have all these ideas for decorating my house but no money to do it. Tonight Matthew gave me a little pep talk. See I've been wanting to paint a few pieces of furniture and Matthew told me I needed to find a hobby... something I could enjoy. So I went to Walmart and bought some paint and stencils. I'm going to paint a bench for Darcy that i've had since I was little. Then i'm going to paint her dresser... and put some things on the wall. And after that i'm going to paint jessica's dresser. Hopefully I can start on my new projects soon. But first I really need to get motivated to clean my house... It always makes me feel better when its clean. B/c when its not I feel guilty when I'm not cleaning it. Does anyone understand what I'm going through?? Did I make any sense or am I only rambling?
5 comments:
I understand. I totally know what it feels like to want to do things, but there is no $, to do them. It's hard at times. I've had breakdowns like that & one thing that always helps me is to remember, just how many people would like to be in my shoes. I am extremely blessed to be able to stay home. And I wouldn't change it. I liked to work, but I like to do what ever I want to instead. :) But you know I'm here, if you need me. I hope you have fun painting. I love to paint! You'll have to post pics of your projects.
Thanks. I will post before and after shots.
I still would like to do the kitchen table thingy you and Cori did.
I think I know what you're going through. When Makae was smaller and not as mobile, she was very content to sit in bouncy, johnny jump up, and her exersaucer for hours and if she wasn't doing that she slept for hours. I kinda felt like I was wasting so much time and like I wasn't doing any good being home. But now that she's a little older I can really see the rewards and benifits it has for her. Just sitting on the couch in the same room for me and Makae is the best thing I think I could have done for her, especially the first year of her life. Discipline and desire to do things around the house will come with time. But Matthew is right about the hobby thing. It will give you a better feeling. But I wouldn't change anything about being at home (even in a messy house) with Makae. Hey it's an emotionally and physically draining job!!!!!! Cori
Just wanted to tell you that staying home with Darcy is amazing. I know that you being there is TOTALLY different and something that you are not really adjusted to, but it will be the best thing for her! You will get to see so much of her, and watch her grow, you will have a special bond that no one else will have with her! I have the same problem about being in a rut and wanting more time at home, yet when I get it I don't use it! I am home now and should be cleaning my house (inspection on Thursday!) but instead I am on the internet blogging.... so you see we are all guilty of that! Darcy will grow up so fast, enjoy each moment, take it slow- I love you girl- Hang in there!!!
My house is a wreck....but Justus is happy & healthy. Some weeks are better than others and Sam is sometimes inspired to help with the cleaning. We are all so lucky to have great husbands that work hard to keep things going. I sometimes get the "house blues". At times listening to praise & worship changes my mood enough to motivate some "clean up". Don't give up---your a great mother & wife!
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