Okay.... so maybe you don't think this is really all that important but to me it is and I need prayer.
I'm gonna give you some history first... I had Jessica at age 15! My mother pretty muched raised her. I missed out on all of her 1st. I've regreted it big time.
When Matt and I found out we were pregnant I had no desire to quit work. Matt had always said that if we could afford it that he'd want me to stay at home. I thought we couldn't afford it. During my pregnancy I would go back and forth between the idea of staying at home or working. I mainly wanted to work b/c I liked the money.
During my pregnancy I had a few dizzy spells. They were always brushed off by my doctors. It was a sugar thing is what they'd say. Well in the end of August I passed out on my husband while at dinner. We called the doctor but again he said it was just my sugar. Few weeks later I was with my mom and passed out... but this time I was out for a long time and while I was out cold I threw up and peed on myself (DON'T LAUGH). My mom thought I was having a siezure (sorry i can't spell) and we went to the hospital... but was released b/c 'there was nothing wrong.' 2 days later I had to go to the doctor for a regular visit but i was to see one of the other OB b/c they want you to get to know them all. Well this one right away picked up on a irregular heart beat (mine). I was sent around the world (not really around the world) for test. Come to find out I have something wrong with the electrical part of my heart... it seems to take a different route and sometimes produces to many heartbeats which can trigger cardiac arrest. Anyways so during all this time I was not allowed to go to work. I couldn't drive or be left alone. Finally the doctor said I needed to hold off going back to work until after I deliver.
Well the closer I got to my due date I had finally made up my mind that I was not going back to work. So i didn't (with my husbands blessing). We've had to make major lifestyle adjustments in order to keep me from having to work. I've put my precious Explorer in the AutoTrader :( and I've been cleaning my mother's house once a week (yuck i don't even like to clean my own house) and we've not gone out to eat in a long time. Which if you know me... I like to eat out and I like to shop! Now i'm not telling you this to feel sorry for me... I telling you so that you know the sacrifices that we've made and are now comfortable with.
So here's the part where I need your prayer... My old boss has emailed my mother twice now to find out what i'm doing and if I'm interested in going back to work. He wants to start me out at more than my husband's and mine combined income was last year! Now one side of me says YIPPEE I don't have to be poor anymore. But the other side says NO WAY your husband and children are worth more! I'm pretty much sticking to my guns but at times I feel silly for not taking it. Especially when my parents think I'm crazy for not. Could you all just pray that my family would somehow understand and support my reasons for not working. I've tried to tell them but they really don't get it! I really need to have a peace about all this. Of course the devil is trying to make me feel selfish for making my husband work all these long hours just so we can scrape by. I need reassurance constantly. Just pray.
5 comments:
Nicole, I am a working mother. Granted my oldest son gets to come to work with me (which makes it double the work), but I don't feel like I miss out on him. It's my other child I don't get to see as much. And I hate it. If we could, I would be at home with my children. Unfortunately until we pay off some of the stupid credit we both accumulated before our marriage, it is not possible. We are down to 1 car and 1 credit card to pay off. All of that to say... you are blessed. It may only be for a season that you get to dedicate your time to your family. You will have the rest of your life to earn money. Enjoy your family. Be encouraged by your discussion with Jessica... be closer to your daughters now while they want you close! And when the time is right, you and your husband will feel a release. Maybe a door will open for you to work at home. Who knows. Just like I have a peace that God knows my heart is at home with my boys... he knows your heart is to contribute to your household, which you do already by cooking, cleaning, and simply being there. Sorry for the novel.
Thank you. I needed that.
I totally agree with Jamie. They are only little once. You can't please everybody and you don't need to. Follow your heart.
I agree. Money is nice, but it sure isn't everything. D & I have struggled our entire marriage, but I couldn't be happier. Yeah, I would have loved to go out to eat, buy that new CD, go out with friends. But I would not take anything for the times I have spent at home with my hubby. Or packing peanut butter sandwhiches (because that's all we had) & going to the park to celebrate our anniversary. I remember before I was married, I blew money with no care in the world, but I wasn't happy. I love my life & I am blessed beyond measure. And you are too. I know it's difficult, to have to say to NO things, because of money. But in the long run, what is more precious? That new shirt from Casual Corner or that conversation with Jessica? That smile from Darcy? That special look Matt gives you?
You know what you need to do, Nicole. I know how Mom's can be :) & they want what's best for us. But you know what's best for you & your little family. I love ya girl.
Its hard to turn down good offers. Especially when you can justify them! I have had several good offers come my way in the last year and a half, but each time I didn't feel 100% peace about it, and neither did Chris. I knew that it would make our lives easier if I did get a full time job instead of part time. I could get us out of Debt faster and prepare our house for a baby, but I would neglect our ministry and our time together. I still was willing to do it, but again didn't have that 100% peace that the Lord gives us. If I would have taken some of the other offers (with Insurance, and those wonderful packages they put together) I would not be happy- I just know it! Plus I would not have met Jeshua! This job is working out just like I needed it to! Any other job I would have hated it. Stay close to the Lord, and seek his peace in your situations! Your parents won't understand why you would turn it down, but they do know the Lord- so by telling them that you have peace (if you do) then that should stop them for the moment! Sorry for the Novel. I just feel like I could give some imput on this! I don't have any living children, but I work with 80-100 Children each week and know that they need that direct attention from their parents- I am teaching a class right now at church : The Five Love Languages of Children. Its really awesome. I wish you could attend! Anyway that's a whole different story! I love ya girly!
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