Thats me!
I keep feeling like I have a ton of stuff to do but I'm not really sure what it is that needs to be done. I'm worried about not being here next week to take care of Darcy and Jessica. I've paid all my bills that will come due in the next 2 weeks. I have some snacks to take with me. I've somewhat packed my bag. I need to straighten up but thats more of an ongoing thing. I'm just worried about things that I know I'm not going to have any control over.
I'm worried about the whole c-section deal. I feel cheated b/c I'm not going to vaginally give birth to these guys. I wanna FEEL the contractions and I wanna PUSH them out. But there's just no way thats gonna happen with them in their current positions. I'm worried about whats going to be going on in the operating room. There's going to be several nurses in the room. I don't wanna hear nurses chit chat about their weekend. I don't wanna silly talk.... its a serious and special moment. I've already told my doctor that I will not hesitate to tell people to shut up... he laughed and said he believed it. I'm worried that I'm going to let my mind get away with me and freak out over what I think is going on. I'm worried I'll feel the pain. I'm worried that something will go wrong. I'm worried about the recovery period. I've read it takes a lot longer to recover from a c-section... 4 to 6 weeks... what am I going to do with a 16 month old and twins during the day while I'm 'taking it easy?' Will my husband (and family) really understand or will he just think i'm milkin it?
I'm ready for it all to be over with so I can start with the adjusting process.
Oh and another thing.... Our house was supposed to close on the 24th but was postponed. I was told it would probably close this week but now its being pushed back some more... and the buyer's are having a hard time getting approved... so we don't know when or if its going to close. I was really looking forward to not having a house payment this month.
AND... oh this is a biggie!!! The attorney that I hired last January (2005), I fired. I sent him a letter and requested all the documents that had been exchanged between him, the courts and jessica's dad be sent to me AND A FULL REFUND... he sent it to me!!!!!! So during this time I'd gotten in touch with another attorney who really couldn't do too much until the other attorney officially stepped down. Well we've been in contact and I'm pretty upset about the lies I was told by my former attorney. I was lead to believe that I would get about $100 or $150 increase in my child support... I pursued the case with that in mind. I really want Jessica to be able to do all the extra things his other kids are able to do. I feel like he's gotten off really cheap. Well it turns out that the court only ordered a $20 increase. And He's fighting it!!!!!!!!! Now of course I'm furious b/c there's no way I would have paid an attorney $750 for a $20 increase... nor would I have gone through all this CRAP with her dad over $20. My new attorney said that he has NO IDEA what my former attorney based it off of and that it sounds like he just tried to pull one over on me. Now, my new attorney says unless we can find where he's making A LOT of extra money and hasn't reported it to the courts... we're stuck with just a $20 increase. He feels horrible for the long drawn out mess i've been through and has decided (on his own - sweet guy) not to charge me a high fee. He's only going to charge me the amounts it cost him to file the necessary paperwork and a small fee for his time at court. He said he would recommend we just drop the whole thing but since HE is fighing the increase and its HIS attorney's that keep continuing the ordeal we have to keep going. oh well.
so thats my spill for the evening. sorry its so long... hope you can understand it all.
3 comments:
I will be praying for you over the next few days. I will ask my girls to pray for you and the surgery, as well as put you on our prayer list for our church. You will be covered in prayer girl!
And I don't think you have to worry about "recovery" and taking care of Jessica and Darcy. You are surrounded by people who love you dearly and have seen you at your worse. I am surrounded by people who only see my "churchy- preachers wife" side and so having them come into my home and "helping" is going to be hard for me. If they even offer. But of course I don't have but ONE to take care of. I know you will have all you need if not more! People will oooohhh and aaaaahhh over seeing the twins giving you a break and also giving you time to bond with Darcy even more. So that she doesn't feel excluded.
You will be awake for the c-section- so that is good- if you can feel pain you can TELL them. Its not like being 1/2 way under where you can't get awake enough to tell them (like when they took out my wisdom teeth- I had to hear about their drunken parties and dumb things that happend over their weekends) I have been told that c-sections are really quick, there isn't alot to do once they cut you open except pull those babies out. The prep time takes longer, and they won't have time to talk about silly stuff during that moment. Plus again- with you having TWINS its such a BIG deal, and they will all be excited too.
Well that's all I got. I know you poured out your heart in the post. I will be praying for you- and that's a promise girl. I love ya. Let me know if you want a "phone prayer" before you have surgery. you know I got one for ya!!!
Love you bunches.
Wow girl, that's a lot of worries. I agree with Staci. You have always handled things well & this time won't be any different. You have friends and family praying for you. And people will be at your side to help.
Just wondering if you have thought of having some church friends come for a couple hours a day to keep an eye on the kids while you rest. Not sure how comfortable you are with that-
I'll be praying too.
I agree with Staci, you are surrounded by lots of people that would love to help out. And as far as the c-section. Things are going to be fine. You've experienced 2 vaginal births, so it's not like you haven't done it before. You are going to have 2 healthy boys & it ain't gonna matter how they got here. Now you'll be able to say you've done it both ways.
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