Life

I've spent the last week with some friends who lost their 4 year old daughter in a drowning accident. It was a rough week. One that no parent should ever have to endure... but for whatever reason they had to walk through this.

Saturday was the funeral and most of their family and friends returned home yesterday. Our lives will all return to normal. I can't imagine what they're going through - I don't want to imagine. I laid next to Darcy the other night and watched her sleep. I've listened to these parents talk about their daughter - The pain is unbearable. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't forget them... that I'd stay in touch and be there as much as possible. To be honest, I hadn't seen them in several years. At one time we were really good friends. I was in their wedding. She practically lived at my parents house. But life takes over and you go in different directions. But they're gonna need people to call them and check on them. They're gonna need people to continue to pray. They're never going to "get over" this.

Reunited

Matthew was supposed to be working out of town for 3 weeks but they finished up early and came home after 1 week! It was out first time to be a part for more than a night or two. I missed him - the kids missed him. The weekend was pretty lonely but we made it.

We're leaving in a few hours for the beach. Tara and her son, Blaine are joining us. We used to take vacations with them all the time when Jessica was little. We don't get to see them as much as we would like. They came down for Jessica's b'day party last July. Tara and I did sips n strokes during the holidays but other than that we haven't seen them. We talk all the time and my kids call her Aunt Tara :) I'm really looking forward to our trip.

My desires

I've thought about how I'm gonna say this... I want to get it off my chest and I'm sure this will strike a nerve with people and maybe even offend someone. This post isn't directed at any one certain person - it covers a lot of people in my life.

I wish people cared more about others than themselves. I wish people weren't so lazy and actually tried to put forth more of an effort to stay connected with folks. I hate always being the one to reach out... I do it though, and again again I get my feelings hurt.

My kids are my everything. I love being around them and I know that they're a little rowdy at times but they're young. The get excited about things that you might have gotten excited about at their age. They love unconditionally. That part worries me - I wanna protect them. I know one day they're gonna see things differently and its gonna break their little hearts.

I title this post "My desires" but so far it doesn't really fit. Here's the desires part...

I hope that I always have a close relationship with my kids, their spouses and their children. I want my kids to always to stay close. I want their kids to grow up together. I want to be a part of everything that they allow me to be a part of. I want to have family traditions, sunday dinners with the whole fam, vacation memories, funny stories, lots of hugs (and not just from the kids) and so much more.

I want friends that last a lifetime. REAL friends - not fake facebook friends. Friends that call me and I call them. Friends that you can talk to after a rough day and they don't think you're having a pity party or try to one up you with their stories of what they had to go through once upon a time. Friends that can make time for a quick visit - not leaving you hanging. Friends that you can say anything to or in front of - no ones likes walking on eggshells. Friends that don't repeat my business or pass judgment on me.

Do you get what I'm saying? Relationships are important to me - I'm tired of being disappointed.

My wonderful Daughter, Jessica

I have a great kid! Some might say I'm a little hard on her and I may be. Back around Thanksgiving we were talking and I she said something I wasn't expecting to hear so soon in her life. She told me that she was going to be just like me when she was a mom. WHOA! Blow me away! She said she understood why I did what I did and that she appreciated it. Thats probably the biggest compliment I've ever received!

A while back I asked Jessica why her and one of her friends wasn't close anymore. She really didn't want to talk about it but she knows I don't let up :) So she eventually told me that the other girl was heading in a different direction. She said she wasn't living right and that she had tried to talk to her but the other girl mocked Jessica. I'm so proud of my child for taking a stand and for not falling to peer pressure. She said she'd still be nice to her and try to talk to her but they couldn't hang out anymore. Whoa... how mature is that!

Jessica has to do a lot around here. Maybe not anymore than you or I did as a teenager but kids these days don't have to do anything! She's such a great big sister! Her siblings LOVE her. Recently we've been talking about college and Darcy is the only one that sorta understands and she's not happy. She's trying to convince Jessica to live with us forever :) I can't believe in 2 years Jessica will be leaving for college. These are times that you really have to trust that you've done all you can do as a parent and you totally give you're child over to the Lord.

Thanksgiving 2008

Mommy, Jessica, Jeremiah, Darcy, Jacob and Daddy

Cades Cove in The Great Smokey Mountains

time to check in

I am officially taking a forced break from school. I wasn't able to pass one of my classes and cannot move forward until I retake (and pass) the course. I will retake the course in Jan. This puts me graduating May 2013 same at Jessica :) lol

I have the next 7 months off. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I have been going non stop since Jan 09. Its an adjustment. I'm looking forward to spending time with my family. I might even get a parttime job - who knows.

I might even blog more ;) lol

My Crafty Side :)

We cut down a bush/tree thingy from the back yard and I made this from it. Its my very first wreath - ta da! I just tired together some limbs! I could have kept adding and adding but I thought it might get too heavy. I'm pretty proud of myself :)

my panic attack

Yesterday on my way home from school (a very stressful and emotional day) I was riding with my windows down and my hair was blowing... It felt good after such a rough day. I glanced down for a brief second and there was a big brownish redish spider on my thigh crawling towards my body. Without thinking twice I had quickly pulled off the road and was jumping out of my car. I had knocked the spider off my leg in the process of pulling off. Once out of the car I couldn't find it. I wasn't getting back into my vehicle! I called Matthew and just as I'm in the middle of explaining what happened I see the stupid spider and SMASH IT! AHAHAHHAHA I was freaking out all the way home. I felt like spiders were crawling all over me! I hate spiders!!!

Jessica goes to Prom :)

It was a rough afternoon... I was stuck in Selma with a unresponsive, lethargic pt while Jessica was in Homewood with my mom getting her hair done. Due to the traffic Jessica arrived home almost 2 hours later than expected. She was supposed to leave our house with another couple at 5:20 but she didn't even make it home till after 6pm. She was extremely stressed out. There was a house full of people waiting for her here. She got herself together and looked amazing :)

Under the Big Top

We took our kids the circus this year. They had no idea where we were going and in the pic below we just told them... but they still didn't really know what was going on.


We got there earlier (2nd in line at the door kinda early) and our kids got to enjoy
the preshow.... and so did Matthew :)

Waiting....

Jacob and Jessica

Waiting was their least favorite part :(
And to be honest it didn't keep their attention much during the actual show.
We're not sure if it was b/c we did the 5 o'clock show with no naps.
They actually asked us several times if it was over yet! lol

A glimpse

My little folks are growing up... They're going to attend a public school next year. Darcy will be in 1st grade and the boy will be in K5. The boys turn 5 on April 3rd.

Darcy, Jacob and Jeremiah


We had a family reunion at my cousin's house... complete with a bom fire and my kids love it!



Me and Pawpaw Bill
(this was taken earlier in the day at the reunion)

Matthew and I celebrated V'day and his b'day by going to our favorite little place... Bernie's On Main in Columbiana.
We've been going to this place for all of our special occassions for years.

Mysterious Bruise

I'm not sure where this came from but it popped up yesterday afternoon... granted I did practice softball with the girls but all I do is hit the ball to them... no catching or anything! My arms are sore from hitting but I'm not sure what caused this bruise. Its very tender!

What is God teaching me?

I was doing a sorta playful interview yesterday for our church's newsletter and I was asked questions. One of them was "What has God been teaching you lately?"

Let me be honest here... I am a fixer by nature. I can also be a manipulator. I want to be in control. I want to know the plans not just know there's a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Too bad is doesn't say "and I'll share them with you immediately!" I'm learning to trust in Him. Trying not to fix it on my own or try and help Him. I know that sounds silly like He needs my help. But I've been guilty of telling folks that God gave us common sense and we should use it. He did, but I don't think when we're in need (trouble) that we're supposed to start immediately trying to fix it. I'm learning that my first response should be to go to God immediately and say "this is my problem and I'm not sure how its going to work out but I know that YOU will take care of it and guide me every step of the way." whoa thats hard. Really hard! Someone said in sunday school group once about we let God handle the big stuff but we think the small stuff is too petty to ask for his help. Well I'm the opposite. I'll let him deal with the small stuff but the big stuff is too hard to let him have control over. God wants me to trust him wholeheartedly AND I want to trust Him.

My husband seems to be so relaxed about things happening with our current trails. At times a little too relaxed if you ask me. But He's trusting God. He's serving God, spending time in his word, seeking him in prayer and really trusting Him. Reread that last sentence. Did you get it? His every day walk reflects a christian life... he's not just doing his own thing and then expecting God to solve his problems when he finds himself in a bind. I think thats where most people miss it. Those are the ones that get angry/disappointed and never really understand the Gospel. I don't want to be that person.

My emotional roller coaster

I must be PMS'ing although lately it doesn't really matter if its that time or not because I can still be all emotional and girlie. I seem to get my feelings hurt over the smallest things but of course to me they feel huge. I feel left out of a lot of things. Which stinks b/c of my personality I thrive around others so when I feel isolated it makes everything worse.

I've learned some lessons lately... big valueable lessons... about trusting God and putting him FIRST. We're doing this bible study in our small group about idols and no I don't have a statue of budda but I did put all of focus on other things rather than God. Over the last month I've been going through a rough patch but once I figured out what He was trying to teach me it all made sense!

My kids are home this week for Spring Break... my spring break is next week. I'm only home today but I have a lot of school work to get done today. Right now the boys are on each side of me and we're watching cartoons. The girls are both still asleep. Guess I better go make the most of my time with my boys =)

Icky Sicky Me

I'm sick! I hate being sick esp when I have things to do. I had to reschedule my clinicals for the 2nd time! I missed going to south Alabama to visit family. I am missing my hubby stand behind the pulpit for the first time today (he's not preaching he's opening with prayer) and I feel like CRAP! I have some school work to do but I can't focus on it.

On Tuesday I had an upper and lower Gi done and a hyda scan too. I prepped for it Monday night - whoa! Matthew took off work Tuesday to take me. I don't remember much of the day but apparently I was awake at some points b/c I posted on my fb status - haha. I got the results back yesterday and they need me to come back in to for blood work to rule out Celiac Disease. I'll do that on Tueday of this week.

Wednesday I had a big test which I didn't feel ready for seeing how the day before I was drugged! Wednesday afternoon I had clinicals and thats when my sore throat started. I thought it was just b/c of the upper gi.

Thursday was clinicals and by the time I got home I was running a fever. Friday I went to the dr and I've been stuck at home ever since :(

Everyone keeps asking me when we can get together... May 2012! lol

Checking In

I've been a little busy lately with school and family. Things are still going well with school. I've had some really cool clinical experiences lately... seen a lot of cool stuff and actually got to be in on some cool stuff. I just finished my 2 days of full evening clinicals. My shift was 2pm till 10pm and I took full care of ONE patient. Now in the real world I'll have 5 or 6 (more if we're shorthanded) but I think I can handle it by then. The worst part is all the paperwork we have to do... none of which is actually done in "real life" but we're stuck doing it in school.

The kids are all doing well. Jeremiah and Darcy tell me every afternoon when I pick them up that they've gotten part of or all of their name on the board. The other day after they told me Jacob looked up at me and said "Momma, I never get my name on the board" Thats my Jacob! He NEVER gets in trouble at school. Sweet boy. Darcy's a talker and Jeremiah likes to be goofy... I guess Jacob takes after me and the other two take after Matthew :)

Jessica is playing softball for the first time this year. She went on her first double date on Valentines Day and she's attending the Jr/Sr Banquet in April. She'll turn 16 this summer. We get stuff for college every week :(

Matthew is looking forward to his role in ministry - whenever that might be. He met with the head of our presbytery last weekend and they talked about what he needed to do in order to be ordained. He's going to start teaching a sunday school class and then he'll do an internship. The presbyterian church (PCA) doesn't just let anyone become ordained... He'll go through a bunch of stuff before they'll ordain him. Which is good... i'm not complaining... that keeps from just anyone getting up behind the pulpit and saying whatever they "feel" is right.

We have a family reunion to attend in a few hours.... I've got to finish my cake :)

Def out of the question!

I don't think homeschooling is something I could pull off. The kids are home today b/c there's a funeral at the church. They brought home work to do and I also have plenty of school work. It was a rough morning and to be honest I felt like crying at times. I have a big test tomorrow and we had a optional review class today and I had to miss it b/c I needed to be here to make sure they all did their work. I'm having trouble focusing with them home. As soon as I get my nose in a book they're needing me for something. I have class this evening :( Its gonna be a long night!

My Little Homecoming Sweetie

Jessica was voted onto the Homecoming Court. She wanted me to do her makeup since I'm the makeup Diva (its what I make her call me when we play makeup). She didn't tell me she had made homecoming court until bedtime on Sunday night. We didn't have time to find a dress to wear but some of my classmates brought dresses for me to let Jessica try on. We had about 10 dresses to choose from... I love my nursing classmates!

Jessica and her nana... yeah they look alike :)

Jessica her her boyfriend Matt.



My hubby escorted Jessica. They read her introduction and it was soooo sweet. She thanked my hubby for being the father figure in her life. She also thanked me for everything I've done. For her favorite things to do she put spending time with her family and hanging out with Darcy and "the brothers"

My baby is growing up!

I can feel it...

Its gonna be one of those day... you know that kind I'm talking about. The kind where you get easily annoyed by everyone and everything. Its not even 8:30am yet and I'm already annoyed! ahahah My kids were perfect this morning so I can't blame it on them. I can blame it on telemarketers, complainers and ignorant people. Maybe I should go back to bed before I hurt someone's feelings.

Home Alone

Today my kids were supposed to be out of school but due to them missing a day b/c of the weather they had to make it up today :(

I'll spend the day studying and finishing up my paperwork from clinicals.

I have my first test on Wednesday... I'm trying to start this semester off right. Last semester took me by surprise and I'm not going to let that happen again!