Wednesday, March 31, 2010

It IS me :(

I often wonder why I always seem to have issues with other people. Why am I always having incidents? Is it me... It is. Being outspoken isn't always a good thing. Holding back is better. Why do I always feel the need to put somebody in their place? Or why do I feel like I always have to stick up for myself? Why do I get mad over the silliest things? Things I cannot control and most of the time really don't affect me personally. Why do I need to have the last word? Why do I have to prove I'm right and they're wrong? I hate this about myself. After a while people peg you as the one that stirs up trouble. I justify things a lot and say "well they deserved it! they were wrong or they shouldn't have done/said this or that." Why can't I let things go? Once I get mad it snowballs... why? I've become more and more aware of this issue and it makes me sad but when "it" is going on I can't see it. Matthew says I need to stop before it gets to that point but the thing is I don't stop.... I'm in the moment. I want to change. I don't want to be a ticking timebomb waiting for the next person to cross me so I can let em have it. I want to be meek and humble. Is that possible?


~Crystal~ said...

It is very possible, because we are a new creation in Christ. I think Christians, mostly think that verse, means when you get saved you are instantly a new creation. Not so, we are constantly changing & being molded into what He wants us to be...If we allow it. <---That's the key.
I too am out spoken, have said things that to this day I regret & have had some major attitude problems. Still say things I regret & still have major attitude problems. :)
I am still learning, but asking Him to show you, what your triggers are helps. And when He starts showing you, you have to consciously see them. Then make the choice of how you will react. I have to ask myself in those few seconds before I can possibly loose control, "If I say so & so, will that really make a difference? Is this going to turn into a needless battle? Does opinion have to be broadcasted?" Not everything has to have a champion for it. You also have to think about the emotions that get stirred in you & how it will affect you & your day. I'm still trying this & it is NOT easy, believe me, but I do recognize there is much more peace in my heart & mind.
Sorry, for the long comment, I can just understand.

native-nc said...

What in the world did you say? Just remember that God's grace is sufficient for you! And with Him all things are possible.

There are many times that I have the same problem. Open mouth, insert foot. Realizing the need for change is a step in the right direction. Plus you've got a great hubby to encourage you.

I Love You, no matter what!

Eric said...

I would have to say that sometimes people need "putting in their place" and then there are other times I run the senerio over and over in my mind of what I would say or do but then I never do it and it is probably for the better. Then other times I feel like, I think it was David, "I do the thing I didn't want to do", etc.
I too have moments like you have and they come with their regrets too. Like Crystal said, "we are constanly changing" and being renewed every day. We fall, we get back up. Give an apology, if/when needed, and carry on. I was working on a blog post the other day but quit because I just couldn't make it go on paper the way I wanted it to. I think I will try again because you might get something from it. I know I got something from the sermon about it. Note to self: stay on Nicole's good side! :)