Life in a Full House: August 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

I'm Alive!!!

All is well...

I'm sorry I've been sick and I started school.

I'm still not 100% back to myself yet but I'm feeling better than I have been. I started school and everything has been really busy. I'm supposed to studying right now but I'm ADD and so I had to take a break :)

I turned 30 on Aug 13th and my husband threw me a surprise party... except I kinda found out about it by accident. But I was extremely grateful for the amount of planning my hubby put into it. I love him so much and appreciate everything he does for me :)

Matthew's brother and wife were in town for 2 weeks... although we didn't get to spend much time with them b/c they went to the mountains for a week and then to the beach. But we did manage to get a few hours in with them. I miss them and wish they'd lived closer but if they did I probably wouldn't see them as much as I think I would. We all stay extremely busy.

Jessica's volleyball season is in full swing.... 2 games a week! Last night was the first game I've missed so far :( It was an away game and I really needed to stay home with my hubby and little ones. I feel like I never see them since they're in school all day. They're all doing really well.

This is the first semester that I've really doubted myself. Its Anatomy and Physiology that's got me worried. There's a lot to take in... important stuff that I need to know for nursing :) My teacher is young and really friendly. I think she's going to be a good teacher. I'm just worried. The other night I almost broke down in tears b/c I started doubting this whole thing. I know I can do it. Its not going to be easy but I can do it.

I really need to get back to reading!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

First Day Memories

My kids were thrilled to death to see me yesterday. Jeremiah had just woken up from his nap and he was still kinda out of it. The teacher said he kept fussing and she thought he was saying something about a booboo but she couldn't find anything. He wasn't talking about a booboo... its bubankey aka blue blanket! She'll know next time!

Their teacher called me later on that evening to reassure me that all went well. She said they had some trouble understanding the stay in your seat rule but she assured me they weren't the only ones. She said Jeremiah quickly caught on to the rules but Jacob wanted to buck them a little more :) Thats my Jacob! She also commented on "the look" he gave her... I told her we referred to that as the grumpy old man look. She laughed.

Darcy had a good day up until lunch time. She knows that at lunch time the half day students leave and she was asking for me. She calmed down and took a nap. She was also very excited to see me. Once we got home she never left my side.

Today was a much easier day. Everyone was in a good mood. They all entered their classrooms and sat down in their seats. I can't wait to pick them up and see how their day went.

I've been uber productive today :) My day went better than yesterday also. Thanks for the prayers, emails, comments and phone calls!!!!!

I promise to post pics soon!

Monday, August 10, 2009

First Day

Wow. I'm sitting here on my couch with big puffy eyes. Its 11am and my tv is off. The house is empty and my heart is broken.

Here comes the tears again.

I remember in Sept of 04 when I was forced to quit work due to health reasons. I told everyone that I'd be back after Darcy was born. I laughed when a friend told me I'd change my mind. Darcy was born on Nov 16th and I've been a stay at home mom since that day.

Today I woke up my boys and told them it was time to go to school. They were thrilled. Their eyes were still squinty as they came down the stairs. They were so excited when I was packing up their lunch and snacks. They couldn't wait to put on their book bags. I stuff Jeremiah's blue blanket in his back pack. And at one point I saw him laying on the couch with just enough blanket out of the back pack for him to put it in his mouth. He was content. I was started to break down.

Darcy woke up in not such a good mood. Matthew had decided to go in late so he could go with me to take them. Darcy was very clingy. We fought with her all morning. I tried really hard to make it a happy day for them all so things would start off well. Didn't go so well with her.

We got to the school and she insisted on Matthew carrying her. We took the boys first. They went straight in and never looked back. Ms. Shelia was directing them where to put their stuff. They were so excited.

Next we took Darcy down to her room. She didn't want Matthew to put her down. She held on tight to him and her blankey. Finally we got her feet to touch the floor but she didn't want us to leave yet. I was fighting back tears and so was she. Finally I knew I had to leave or else I'd break down. The teacher took her by the hand and asked her if she could be her helper. She went peacefully.

We sat outside their rooms for a good bit. We'd randomly ask people to stick their heads in the door and check on our kids. Each time they'd say "oh they're fine!" Finally I made myself leave. I really think I could have stayed there all day.

I came home and sat on the couch. I haven't moved. I haven't turned on the TV yet. A few close friends have called to check on me. I cried for 2 solid hours. I'm okay now. My eyes are puffy and my head hurts. I made myself an eye appointment and a dentist appointment. Both times I cried when they asked me when I could come. I told them anytime b/c my babies were all in school and I had nothing to do anymore. They were compassionate.

Maybe tomorrow will be better for Darcy. I hope my kids all come home excited. And eventually I will fill my days with productive things to do. But today I'll just sit here and cry.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

tears already?

I cried tonight at the parent orientation. I'm still a little teary eyed. I'm worried about them and how they'll handle school.

Reflecting Back

I was talking to a girlfriend today on the phone and she asked me what I was going to do with all my kids in school. I've been a stay at home mom for 4 years now. Something that God totally blessed me with. I have guilt from the years I missed with Jessica b/c I was too consumed with other things. But with my little folks I've been able to be here with them. It hasn't always been peachy... In fact I've struggled with depression, financial issues and other things along the way. But I have some awesome memories. About the time I became a SAHM Jessica begin playing sports.... I know that if I still had a job then I'd miss out on more than half of her games. So I've enjoyed my years at home. I'm grateful to have a husband that feels the way I do about being at home.

My next chapter... my little ones start on Monday. I'll be taking 3 classes in the fall. I was going to work at the pizza place but recently found out it closed :( I'll be sub'ing at the school some to help with tuition. I'm still in a catch 22 with job/pell grant. But I'm not worried. I have faith. I'll have time to do things I've wanted to do... clean my house from top to bottom! Organize closets! Paint my bathroom! Go to the Eye Doctor (amen)! Go to the Dentist! Grab lunch with friends! I'll have plenty of time to study!!!

I'm sure it won't take me long to get board... at least thats what I think will happen. But I'm really looking forward to some me time. I still have my membership at the gym... didn't go all summer long but kept it b/c I knew in the fall I'd have all the time in the world to get skinny!

I've felt a little anxious about my boys going to school but this past week I realized it was time! They're board here with me and they need more socializing. They have the same teacher Darcy had last year and I love her to death. She's a wonderful God loving teacher and she loves her students!!